Everything You Know Is Wrong Lyrics

Everything You Know Is Wrong lyrics

I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane  

 With a rabid wolverine in my underwear  

 When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat  

 Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes  

 I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?  

 Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?  

 Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"  

 I probably would have kept on guessing  

 But about that time we crashed into the truck  

 And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt  

 Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer  

 Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me  

 Everything you know is wrong  

 Black is white, up is down and short is long  

 And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter  

 Everything you know is wrong  

 Just forget the words and sing along  

 All you need to understand is  

 Everything you know is wrong  

  

 I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams  

 When I accidentally stepped into a alternate dimension  

 And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space  

 Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr  

 They sucked out my internal organs  

 And they took some polaroids and said I was a darn good sport  

 And as a way of saying thank you  

 They offered to transport me back to any point in history that I would care to
go  

 And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night  

 So I could pay my phone bill on time  

 Just then the disembodied head of Colonel Sanders started yelling  

  

 Everything you know is wrong  

 Black is white, up is down and short is long  

 And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter  

 Everything you know is wrong  

 Just forget the words and sing along  

 All you need to understand is  

 Everything you know is wrong  

  

 I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin  

 When I got a nasty paper cut  

 And, well, to make a long story short  

 It got infected and I died  

 So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter by the pearly gates  

 And it's obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket that I'm wearing  

 He tells me that they've got a dress code  

 Well, he lets me into heaven anyway  

 But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity  

 And every day he runs by screaming  

  

 Everything you know is wrong  

 Black is white, up is down and short is long  

 And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter  

 Everything you know is wrong  

 Just forget the words and sing along  

 All you need to understand is  

 Everything you know is wrong