Dentist! Lyrics

Dentist! lyrics

When I was younger, just a bad little kid,
my mama noticed funny things I
did,
like shootin' puppies with a B B gun.
I'd poison guppies, and
when I was done
I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head.
That's when
my mama said  (What did she say?),
she said, "My boy, I think someday
you'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay.
You'll be a
dentist.  You have a talent for causin' things pain.
Son, be a dentist. 
People will pay you to be inhumane.
Your temp'rament's wrong for the
priesthood
and teaching would suit you still less.
Son, be a dentist.
 You'll be a success.
(Here he is, folks: the leader of the plaque!
Watch him suck up that gas!  Oh, my god!
He's a dentist and he'll never
ever be any good.
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?
Oh that hurts!  I'm not numb!)
Oh, shut up.  Open wide.  here I come!
I am your dentist (goodness gracious!),
and I enjoy the career that I
picked.  (Love it.)
I am your dentist (fitting braces),
and I get off
on the pain I inflict.  (Really love it.)
I thrill when I drill a
bicuspid.
It's swell though they tell me I'm maladjusted.
And though
it may cause my patients distress,
somewhere, somewhere in heaven above
me
I know, I know, that my mama's proud of me  (Oh, mama.)
'cause I'm
a dentist and a success.
Say ah!  (Ah!)  Say ah!  (Ah!)  Say ah!  (Ah!) 
Now spit.