A Christmas Tail Lyrics

A Christmas Tail lyrics

My generation has been labeled with a big ol' X

Along with it came a stigma of a big ol' hex

That we're all into all kinds of self mutilation

Body piercing, tattoos, and scarification

But I like to find better things to do

Although I do pop the occasional pimple or two

I never really cared for that other stuff

'Cause for me my emotional scars were enough

I decided long ago that I wouldn't treat

My body like a walking wall of graphite

So imaging my surprise when I awoke to find

A tattoo of a heart right on my behind



It was the day after Christmas and all through the house

Everything was a mess, I even found a dead mouse

The stockings were ripped off the women on the floor

Who were passed out drunk from the party the night before

The house was a wreck, I had seen enough

It'll take me all of next year to clean up

I'd been planning this party the whole month of December

It looked like fun, I wish I could remember

God, what a pain in my ass, I hate cleaning

Something on the back of my sofa is steaming

I don't wanna know what they did to my cat

And speaking of a pain in my ass, what's that

Ow, what the Hell, where did this come from

It's a feeling like somebody shot me in the bum

I got so drunk I can't remember a thing

I don't know what this is, but man does it sting

Into the bathroom I rushed like a flash

Tore open my pants and examined my ass

And on my left butt cheek, about an inch wide

Was a little red heart with a name inside

V.. vi.. Vicky?

Vvv...vihh..

Vixen?  Who the Hell is Vixen?

I don't remember anybody named..

Wait a minute, it's starting to come back

I remember a fat guy in red and black

He showed up to the party 'bout a quarter past twelve

With a whole enterage of reindeer and elves

Lookin' like he had broken some strange sex laws

My party was crashed by Santa Claus

That's the only small detail I recall

Besides that I don't remember nothin' at all

I know Vixen is part of his reindeer crew

But now I wanna know what'd the two of us do

Just what went on, how far did it go

On second thought, I think I'd rather not know

Something tells me that I should avoid it

'Cause I don't wanna hear that I might have enjoyed it

I cleaned up the house, tried to clear my head

I took a shower and cleaned all the fur off my bed

I got rid of anything that could possibly remind me

I just wanna put this whole thing behind me



I will always regret that happened that night

That little tattoo has ruined my life

The sight of a heart still gives me a chill

And I don't wanna mention my psychiatrist bill

I sort of understand but I'm kinda sore

That my friends don't wanna come around no more

My girlfriend left me and I had to move

And I eventually got the damn thing removed

Someone suggested that I change my religion

I thought about it, and came to a decision

I because I Druid because I thought it'd be nice

And now I practice free sex and human sacrifice

I'm haunted by the incident night and day

And now Christmas is only a few weeks away

But this year I'm ready, I'm not gonna run

'Cause I went out and bought me a big shot gun

I'm-a wait up all night in my living room

And if Vixen comes in then she's gonna go boom

I'm gonna spike the milk till it's 190 proof

I'll start a fire in the fireplace, put land mines on the roof

I'm not gonna repeat what happened last year

I ain't goin' nowhere near another tiny reindeer

She better understand what I'm talkin' about

'Cause that's one piece of tail I can do without