The Goat Song Lyrics

The Goat Song lyrics

I am a simple goat 

 I live on the back of a pick-up truck 

 The Old Man tied me here with a 3-foot rope 

 He's filled with anger, and filled with rage 

 And tells me I smell like piss 

 His drink, Jimmy Bean 

 His chaser, a bear 

 After that, various alcohols 

 That's when the beatings get so severe 

 Asleep I pray he falls 

 But don't feel sorry for me 

 Things weren't always this bad 

 Why, when I was a young talking goat 

 The Old Man was just like my dad 

 I come from the hills of Europe 

 That's where I met the Old Man 

 He was lost in the woods, I gave him directions 

 He gave me a tuna can 

 Then he stopped in his tracks 

 And he said, "Hey Goat! 

 Would you like to live with me? 

 I've got a house with a pick-up truck 

 In a place across the sea" 

 I said, "Sure, why not, I've got no family 

 You seem like a nice guy" 

 So we went off to America 

 The home of the apple pie 

 On the boat, the Old Man told me 

 I would be a present for his wife 

 "A talking goat!" he exclaimed, 

 "She'd never seen this in her life" 

 I felt so special! 

 Well, I just couldn't believe it 

 After all theses years I finally had a friend 

 He trimmed my beard 

 He scraped my hooves 

 I prayed it would never end 

 But when we got to his house 

 There was no wife 

 Only a short, short letter 

 It said: "I'm leaving you for your brother 

 Because he fucks me better" 

 His eyes filled with tears of sadness 

 His heart was filled with grief 

 To soothe himself he drank a pint of Old Granddad 

 And beat me like a side of beef 

 I screamed, "Send me back to the hills of Europe!" 

 He just shook his head and said, "Nope! 

 No one will ever leave me again 

 To make sure, put on this 3-foot fucking rope." 

 Present day, I've been on the truck for 51 years 

 My only friend is the AM radio 

 Sometimes the neighborhood children stop by 

 But it's always rocks and beer bottles they throw 

 At first they're excited to see a talking goat 

 They gather around to hear what I have to say 

 But I guess sometimes my stories go on too long 

 So they leave and giggle I need a bidet 

 But you know there was a night that I did get off the truck 

 When the Old Man was passed out drunk 

 Three neighborhood kids took me to a rock 'n roll concert 

 The kind of music, old-school funk 

 It was the first time I got off the truck 

 The music made me lose control 

 The lead singer asked if we were having fun 

 I said, "Fucking crank that rock 'n roll!" 

 The women at the show were beautiful 

 As they danced sexily on the soft grass 

 One of them even petted my fur 

 Fuck me in the goat-ass! 

 Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the horns 

 And threw me in the mosh pit 

 They passed me around and treated me nie 

 Till I nervously sprayed them with shit 

 Then the music stopped 

 And everything was quite 

 And all the rock 'n rollers started a fucking goat-riot 

 Kill the goat! 

 Kill the goat! 

 Kill the goat! 

 Kill the goat! 

 They chased me under the bleachers 

 They chased me onto the street 

 They chased me into an alley 

 And said I was a dead fucking goat meat 

 But then I saw a sight 

 That I never thought I'd see 

 The Old Man swinging his hickory stick 

 But he wasn't swinging at me 

 "Fuck you, pot-smoking turkeys! 

 Don't you press your luck!" 

 The long hairs ran away screaming 

 As I scrambled onto the truck 

 When we got home, the Old Man said, 

 "Goat, you broke the sacred law 

 No! Please! Sorry! Shit! 

 I'll let it go this time, but if you leave again 

 I'll break your fucking jaw!" 

 Super! Great! Okay! 

 "Thank you Old Man, for saving my life 

 Thank you again and again 

 You could have let them barbecue me, 

 But you acted like a friend" 

 "I'm not your friend, I don't even like you 

 I'm just not drunk," he said 

 To prove his point, he drank a bottle of grain alcohol 

 And beat the fucking shit out of my tailbone 

 And I'll probably never walk straight again 

 I guess you'd call me a scapegoat 

 A punching bag for the Old Man to mock 

 Just because his wife left him 

 For his brother's abnormally large cock 

 He could have been my buddy 

 But instead he's a crazy old fuck 

 And, once again, I go to sleep in my eternal home 

 The back of the pick-up truck 

 Goodnight, Old Man! 

 Yeah, goodnight Goat!