The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions Lyrics

The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions lyrics

"And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a
prestigious
college."
Dean: "Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest
congradulations
on your upcoming graduation and I understand you are
interested in
matriculating here in the fall."
Buffoon: "I got a snake,
man!"
Dean: "Yes, pets are welcome here on campus. Be it the traditional
dog,
or cat, or even the occasional reptile."
Buffoon: "One time I fed it
some beer man! It was slithering this way
and that! It was all fucked
up!"
Dean: "I'm sure it was. Well we discourage inappropriate drinking
among
both students and pets here on campus."
Buffoon: "Fuckin'
Shit!"
Dean: "Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy. So tell me
a
little bit more about your background."
Buffoon: "My father's a fucking
asshole, man!"
Dean: "Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual
at your age
son."
Buffoon: "My mother's a piece of shit too!"
Dean:
"Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the
summer so
you can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to
learn."
Buffoon:
"My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! She had her
head way up
her ass!"
Dean: "Well the quality of the faculty at a University such as
ours far
exceeds that of a local public high school."
Buffoon: "Your
secretary's a real fat bitch, man!"
Dean: "Yes, she's tried many diets over
the years with minimal success."
Buffoon: "I had diarhea last month. I had
to shit all fucking day!"
Dean: "Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional
stomach bug, never a
pleasurable experience. So have you given any thought
to your choice of
major?"
Buffoon: "I've got a big fucking boner right
now."
Dean: "I see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods
of
nervous tension. I do not take offense."
Buffoon: "One time I ate my
neighbors shit!"
Dean: "That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you.
We'll be
sending you our decision by the end of the month."
Buffoon: "I
bet you got really hairy balls."
Dean: "Yes, it's a veritable forest down
there. Bye bye."