Joining The Cult Lyrics

Joining The Cult lyrics

[Sounds of Basketball being shot around]
Sandler: "Hey man, I'm joining a
religious cult."
Allen: "Now, that's ridiculous."
Sandler: "Well, I'm
joining it, so you gotta sign up too."
Allen: "What are you talking
about?"
Sandler: "Hey, don't fuck me on this, man, just sign up."
Allen:
"No, I'm not going to join a cult!"
Sandler: "I can't believe you're pulling
this shit on me after Monday
night --"
Allen: "What?
Sandler: "-- I
wanted to watch Monday Night Football and you wanted to
watch that other
show and we watched your show -- I did that for you!"
Allen: "Yeah, well,
you kept flippin' back to the game."
Sandler: "I WANTED TO SEE THE FUCKIN'
SCORE! Whadda you gotta do that's
so fucking importnat you can't join the
religious cult with me?"
Allen: "Well, I was gonna go
sunbathing."
Sandler: "Oh, boy, no no, I don't think you should do that.
Because this
guy, Russell -- he's the leader-guy of the cult --"
Allen:
"-- yeah --"
Sandler: "-- he was rambling on during one of the speeches
about the sun
being bad, like the beast can't come out because the sun's too
bright
and the sun hurts his eyes or something -- you show up all sunburned
and
that guy's gonna get pissed at you and me!"
Allen: "Well, I'm not in
the cult, so I don't have to worry about
pissing the leader guy
off!"
Sandler: "Look, I'm -- starting to believe in some of the stuff the
cult
guy's been saying -- some of it makes a lot of sense!
Allen: "Well,
good, but I don't want to join the cult. We can still hang
out; I just won't
be in it with you."
Sandler: "The point is, I'm not gonna have time to hang
out with you
because I'm gonna be fuckin' busy with this fuckin'
cult!"
Allen: "So I'll visit on weekends -- we'll work it out."
Sandler:
"No, the weekends are like the busiest time -- that's when we
go to flea
malls and fuckin' malls and talk people into joining, man!"
Allen: "Can I
join for just a little while? I told my dad I'd go visit
him in Florida in
three weeks."
Sandler: "Well, just, we'll ask then, but we gotta join
now."
Allen: "What's the hurry?"
Sandler: "There's a girl I wanna meet
there, what the fuck's your
problem?"
Allen: "Well, I mean I don't really
have to believe in this stuff, do
I?"
Sandler: "No, no, just fuckin' tell
everybody you believe in this shit
-- when they say the sun sucks, go,
"Yeah, fuck the sun, I fuckin' hate
it too, long live the fuckin'
beast."
Allen: "I don't know, man. This is crazy."
Sandler: "Look,
they're gonna give you clothers, a free haircut, you're
gonna get food
--"
Allen: "-- it's not gonna be one of those weird haircuts, is
it?"
Sandler: "It's gonna be a haircut, all right? You said you need
a
haircut, they're gonna fuckin' cut your hair. You're going in,
saving
twelve bucks, just fuckin' do it!"
Allen: "Do you think the hot
girl has a friend for me?"
Sandler: "Yeah, sure, and if she doesn't, she'll
go out and recruit one
for you!"
Allen: "Well, all right. But, hey, if I
don't like it, I'm going to
escape, man."
Sandler: "OK, that's up to
you."
"Three weeks later!"
[Chanting repeatedly] "The night time is the
right time! The night time
is the right time!"
Sandler: "Hey buddy, are
you glad you did this?"
Allen: "Oh, this is the best thing I ever did. Thank
you."
Sandler: "You're not mad at them making you, uh, kill your father,
are
you?"
Allen: "You know, it's like they said. It was the only way to
save him."
Sandler: "You're a good guy."
Allen: "You're a better
one."
[Chanting resumes]