Poor Fool He Makes Me Laugh Lyrics

Poor Fool He Makes Me Laugh lyrics

A PERFORMANCE OF 'IL MUTO' BY ALBRIZZIO 

(During the overture RAOUL, ANDRE and FIRMIN take 

their respective seats - RAOUL in Box Five, the 

MANAGERS in a box opposite)

RAOUL

Gentlemen, if you would care to take your seats? I shall 

be sitting in Box Five.

ANDRE

Do you really think that's wise, monsieur?

RAOUL

My dear Andre, there would appear to be no seats 

available, other than Box Five . . .

(The front cloth rises to reveal an 18th Century salon, a 

canopied bed centre-stage. The COUNTESS is played by 

CARLOTTA. SERAFIMO, the page boy, is disguised as 

her maid and is played by CHRISTINE. At this point they 

are hidden behind the drapes of the bed, which are drawn.

In the room are TWO EPICENE MEN: one a

HAIRDRESSER and one a JEWELLER. The

JEWELLER is attended by MEG. There is also an OLDER 

WOMAN, the COUNTESS' confidante.  All a part from 

MEG are gossiping with relish aboutt he COUNTESS' 

current liaison with SERAFIMO)

CONFIDANTE

They say that this youth

has set my Lady's

heart aflame!

1ST FOP

His Lordship sure

would die of shock!

2ND FOP

His Lordship is

a laughing-stock!

CONFIDANTE

Should he suspect her

God protect her!

ALL THREE

Shame! Shame! Shame!

This faithless lady's

bound for Hades!

Shame! Shame! Shame!

(The canopy drapes part and we see the COUNTESS 

kissing SERAFlMO passionately. As the recitative 

begins, the lights and music dim on stage, and our 

attention turns to the MANAGERS in their box)

IN THE BOX

ANDRE

Nothing like the old operas!

FIRMIN

Or the old scenery . . .

ANDRE

The old singers . . .

FIRMIN

The old audience . . .

ANDRE

And every seat sold!

FIRMIN

Hardly a disaster beyond all imagination!

(They chuckle and nod to RAOUL in the opposite box. 

He acknowledges them)

ON STAGE

COUNTESS

Serafimo - your disguise is perfect.

(A knock at the door)

Who can this be?

DON ATTILIO

Gentle wife, admit your loving

husband.

ATTENTION BACK ON STAGE

(The COUNTESS admits DON ATTILIO. He is an old fool)

DON ATTILIO

My love - I am called to England on affairs of State, and 

must leave you with your new maid. (Aside) Though I'd 

happily take

the maid with me.

COUNTESS (aside)

The old fool's leaving!

DON ATTILIO (aside)

I suspect my young bride is untrue to me. I shall not 

leave, but shall hide over there to observe her!

DON ATTILIO (to COUNTESS)

Addio!

COUNTESS

Addio!

BOTH (to each other)

Addio!

(He goes, pretending to leave, then hides and

watches the action)

COUNTESS (CARLOTTA)

Serafimo - away with this pretence!

(She rips off SERAFIMO'S skirt to reveal his manly 

breeches)

You cannot speak, but kiss me in my

husband's absence!

Poor fool, he makes me laugh!

Haha,

Haha! etc.

Time I tried to get a better better half !

COUNTESS AND CHORUS

Poor fool, he doesn't know!

Hoho,

Hoho! etc.

If he knew the truth, he'd never, ever go!

(Suddenly from nowhere, we hear the voice of the 

PHANTOM)

PHANTOM'S VOICE

Did I not instruct that Box Five was to be kept empty?

MEG (terrified)

He's here: the Phantom of the Opera . . .

(General reaction of bewilderment.

CHRISTINE looks fearfully about her)

CHRISTINE

It's him . . . I know it . . . it's him . . .

CARLOTTA (Finding a scapegoat in CHRISTINE, 

hisses at her)

Your part is silent, little toad!

(But the PHANTOM has heard her)

PHANTOM'S VOICE

A toad, madame? Perhaps it is you 

who are the toad . . .

(Again general unease. CARLOTTA and the

CONDUCTOR confer and pick up from the opening of the 

scene)

CARLOTTA (As the COUNTESS)

Serafimo, away with this pretence!

You cannot speak, but kiss me in my croak!

(Instead of singing she emits a great croak like a toad.  A 

stunned silence. CARLOTTA is as amazed as anyone but 

regains herself and continues. More perturbing, 

however, is a new sound: the PHANTOM is laughing - 

quietly at first, then more and more hysterically)

CARLOTTA (as the COUNTESS)

Poor fool, he makes me laugh -

Hahahahaha!

Croak, croak, croak,

croak, croak, croak, etc.

(As before. The PHANTOM'S laughter rises. The 

croaking continues as the chandelier's lights blink on 

and off. The PHANTOM'S laughter, by this time 

overpowering, now crescendos into a great cry):

PHANTOM'S VOICE

Behold! She is singing to bring down the

chandelier!

(CARLOTTA looks tearfully up at the MANAGERS ' box 

and shakes her head)

CARLOTTA

Non posso piu . . .

I cannot . . . I cannot go on . . .

PIANGI (rushing on)

Cara, cara . . . I'm here . . .

is all right . . . Come . . . I'm here . . .

(ANDRE and FIRMIN hurry out of the box onto the  

stage. PIANGI ushers the now sobbing CARLOTTA 

offstage, while the MANAGERS tackle the audience)

FIRMIN

Ladies and gentlemen, the performance will

continue in ten minutes' time . . .

(He addresses Box Five, keeping one eye on the 

chandelier as it returns to normal)

. . . when the role of the Countess will be sung by Miss 

Christine Daae.

ANDRE (improvising)

In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen, we shall be 

giving you the ballet from Act Three of tonight's opera.

(to the CONDUCTOR)

Maestro - the ballet - now!

(The MANAGERS leave, the stage is cleared and music 

starts again. The BALLET GlRLS enter as a sylvan glade 

flies in.  They begin the Dance of the Country Nymphs.  

Upstage, behind the drop, a series of threatening 

shadows of the PHANTOM. MEG is aware of them and 

dances out of step. When this culminates in one 

gigantic, oppressive, bat-like shadow, the garotted body 

of JOSEPH BUQUET falls onto the stage, causing the 

sylvan glade to fly out. Pandemonium.)

CHRISTINE (calling for help)

Raoul! Raoul!

(RAOUL runs on stage and embraces her)

RAOUL (to CHRISTINE, leading her away)

Christine, come with me . . .

CHRISTINE

No. . . to the roof. We'll be safe there.

(CHRISTINE and RAOUL hurry off)

FIRMIN (Attempting to placate the audience as STAGE-

HANDS and POLICEMEN crowd onto the stage) 

Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats. Do 

not panic. It was an accident . . . simply an accident .