Master Of The House Lyrics

Master Of The House lyrics

DRINKER THREE
Come on you old pest

DRINKER TWO
Fetch a bottle of
your best

DRINKER ONE
What's the nectar of the
day?

(Thenardier enters with a flask of wine)

THENARDIER
Here,
try this lot
Guaranteed to hit the spot
Or I'm not
Thenardier

DRINKERS
Gissa glass a rum
Landlord, over
here!

THENARDIER
Right away, you scum (to himself)
Right away,
m'sieur (to customer)

DINER ONE
God this place has gone to
hell

DINER TWO
So you tell me every year

DRINKER SIX
Mine
host Thenardier
He was there so they say,
At the field of
Waterloo

DRINKER SEVEN
Got there, it's true
When the fight was all
through

DRINKER ONE
But he knew just what to do
Crawling through
the mud
So I've heard it said
Picking through the pockets
Of the
English dead

DRINKER EIGHT
He made a tidy score
From the spoils of
war

THENARDIER
My band of soaks
My den of dissolutes
My dirty
jokes, my always pissed as newts.
My sons of whores
Spent their lives in
my inn
Homing pigeons homing in
They fly through my doors
And their
money's as good as yours

DINER ONE
Ain't got a clue
What he put in
this stew
Must have scraped it off the street

DINER TWO
God what a
wine!
Chateau Neuf de Turpentine
Must have pressed it with his
feet

DRINKERS
Landlord over here!
Where's the bloody man?
One
more for the road!
Thenardier, one more slug o' gin.

GIRL
Just one
more, or my old man is gonna do me in.

(Thenardier greets a new
customer)

THENARDIER
Welcome, M'sieur
Sit yourself down
And
meet the best
Innkeeper in town
As for the rest,
All of 'em
crooks
Rooking their guests
And cooking the books.
Seldom do you
see
Honest men like me
A gent of good intent
Who's content to
be

Master of the house
Doling out the charm
Ready with a
handshake
And an open palm
Tells a saucy tale
Makes a little
stir
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
Glad to do a friend a
favor
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you
nothing
Everything has got a little price!

Master of the
house
Keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em
Of a sou or
two
Watering the wine
Making up the weight
Pickin' up their
knick-knacks
When they can't see straight
Everybody loves a
landlord
Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus! Won't I
bleed 'em in the end!

THENARDIER & CHORUS
Master of the house
Quick
to catch yer eye
Never wants a passerby
To pass him by
Servant to the
poor
Butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher,
And lifelong
mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's
chaperone

THENARDIER
But lock up your valises
Jesus! Won't I skin
you to the bone!

(To another new customer)

THENARDIER
Enter
M'sieur
Lay down your load
Unlace your boots
And rest from the
road

(Taking his bag)

This weighs a ton
Travel's a
curse
But here we strive
To lighten your purse
Here the goose is
cooked
Here the fat is fried
And nothing's overlooked
Till I'm
satisfied...

Food beyond compare
Food beyond belief
Mix it in a
mincer
And pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse
Liver of a
cat
Filling up the sausages
With this and that

Residents are more
than welcome
Bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable charges
Plus some
little extras on the side!

Charge 'em for the lice
Extra for the
mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
Here a little
slice
There a little cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window
shut
When it comes to fixing prices
There are a lot of tricks he
knows
How it all increases
All those bits and pieces
Jesus! It's
amazing how it grows!

THENARDIER AND CHORUS
Master of the
house
Quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passerby
To pass him
by
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great
Comforter,
philosopher,
And lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Gives 'em
everything he's got

THENARDIER
Dirty bunch of geezers
Jesus! What
a sorry little lot!

MME. THENARDIER
I used to dream
That I would
meet a prince
But God Almighty,
Have you seen what's happened
since?
`Master of the house?'
Isn't worth me spit!
`Comforter,
philosopher'
- and lifelong shit!
Cunning little brain
Regular
Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover
But there's not much there
What a
cruel trick of nature
Landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've
lasted
Living with this bastard in the house!


THENARDIER &
CHORUS
Master of the house.

MME. THENARDIER
Master and a
half!

THENARDIER & CHORUS
Comforter, philosopher

MME.
THENARDIER
Ah, don't make me laugh!

THENARDIER & CHORUS
Servant to
the poor. Butler to the great.

MME. THENARDIER
Hypocrite and toady and
inebriate!

THENARDIER & CHORUS
Everybody bless the
landlord!
Everybody bless his spouse!

THENARDIER
Everybody raise a
glass

MME. THENARDIER
Raise it up the master's
arse.

ALL
Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house!