Gracie Field The Biggest Aspidistra In The World Lyrics

The Biggest Aspidistra In The World Lyrics

For years we had an aspidistra in a flower pot

On the whatnot, near the
'atstand in the 'all

It didn't seem to grow 'til one day our brother
Joe

Had a notion that he'd make it strong and tall



So he's
crossed it with an acorn from an oak tree 

And he's planted it against
the garden wall

It shot up like a rocket, 'til it's nearly reached the
sky

It's the biggest aspidistra in the world

We couldn't see the
top of it, it got so bloomin' high

It's the biggest aspidistra in the
world



When father's had a snoot full at his pub, 'The Bunch of
Grapes'

He doesn't go all fighting mad and getting into scrapes

No,
you'll find him in his bear-skin playing Tarzan of the apes

Off the
biggest aspidistra in the world



We have to get it watered by the
local fire brigade 

So they put the water rates up half a crown

The
roots stuff up the drains, grow along the country lanes 

And they came up
half a mile outside the town



Once we hired an auditorium for a hot
house

But a jealous rival went and burnt it down

The tom cats and
their sweethearts love to spend their evenings out

Up the biggest
aspidistra in the world

They all begin meowing when the buds begin to
sprout 

From the biggest aspidistra in the world



The dogs
all come around for miles, a lovely sight to see

They sniff around for
hours and hours and wag their tails with glee 

So I've had to put a
notice up to say it's not a tree

It's the biggest aspidistra in the
world