Frank Zappa T**ties And Beer Lyrics

T**ties And Beer Lyrics

It was the blackest night

There was no moon in sight

You know the
stars ain't shinin'

'Cause the sky's too tight

I heard the scarey
wind

I seen some ugly trees

There was a werewolf honkin'

'Long the side of me



I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no
sissy

Got a big-t**ty girly by the name of Chrissy

Talkin' about
her 'n my bike 'n me...

'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery,
Mystery



I noticed even the crickets

Was actin' weird up
here

And So I figured I might

Just drink a little beer

I
said, *"Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on..."

But there was no
reply

'Cause she was gone...



*"Where's those t**ties that I
like so well

'n my goddamn beer!"*

Is what I started to yell, then
I heard this noise

Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil...he's
about this big...



He had a red suit on

An' a widow's
peak

An' then a pointed tail

'N like a sulphur reek

Yes, it
was him awright

I sweared I knowed it was

He had some human
flesh

Stuck underneath his claws

You know it looked to me

Like it was t**ty skin

I said, *"You sonofabitch!"*

'Cause I was
mad at him,

Well he just got out his floss

'N started cleanin' his
fang

So I shot him with my shooter

Said: BANG BANG BANG



Then the sucker just laughed 'n said, *"Put it away...

You know, I ate
her all up...now what you

gonna say?"*

YOU ATE MY CHRISSY?
*"t**ties 'n all!"*

WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE BEER THEN, BOY? *"Were the
cans

this tall?"

EVEN HER BOOTS? *"Would I lie to you?"*

S***, YOU MUSTA BEEN HUNGRY! *"Yes, this is true."*

WELL DON'T THEY PAY
YOU GOOD FOR THE

STUFF THAT YOU DO?

*"Well, you know, I can't
complain when the checks come through..."*



WELL I WANT MY CHRISSY,
'N I WANT MY BEER

SO YOU JUST BARF IT BACK UP NOW, DEVIL,

DO YOU
HEAR?



*"Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the
Devil,

Do you understand? Just what will you give me

for your

t**ties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little

contract here..."*
YER GODDAM RIGHT, YOU

SON-OF-A-WHORE,

*"Don't call me that"*

THAT'S ABOUT THE ONLY REASON

...GIMME THAT PAPER...BET YER ASS

I'll SIGN...

'CAUSE I NEED A BEER, 'N IT'S T**TY-

SQUEEZIN'
TIME



*"Man, You can't fool me...you ain't that bad...

I mean
you shoulda seen some of the souls I had...

Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n
Agnew, too...

'n both

of those suckers was worse 'n you..."*



WELL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL IF YOU THINK

THAT'S TRUE

I MEAN,
YOU'RE THE DEVIL, SO WHATCHA

GONNA DO?



(improvised
dialog)

"Wait a minute...a tinge of doubt crosses my mind...when you
say...

that you want to make a deal with me..."



"That's
very, very true

I'm only interested in two things

*"Yeah?"*

See if you can guess what they are"



"I would think...uh...let's
see, maybe Stravinsky..."



"I'll give you two clues. Let go of your
pickle"



"What?"



"Let go of your pickle!"



"I'm not holding my pickle"



"Well, who's holding your pickle
then?"



"I don't know...she's out in the audience...

Hey
Dale, would you like to come up here and hold

my pickle to satisfy this
weird man out on the stage?"



"I'm only interested in two things,
and that's

t**ties and beer

you know what I mean?

*"What?"*

t**ties and beer

t**ties and beer

t**ties and
beer

t**ties and beer

t**ties and beer

t**ties and beer

t**ties and beer!"

t**ties and beer!"

*"I don't know if you're
the right guy?"*

t**ties and beer!"

t**ties and beer!"



*"No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think...

I mean hold on a second
boy, 'cause that's magic ink!"



And then the devil let go of his
pickle

and out come my girl, there was her t**ties

flop-floppin'...all around the world



She said "I got me three
beers and a fistful of downs

and I'm gonna get ripped, so f***, you
clowns!"

Then she gave us the finger, it was rigid and stiff

That's
when the devil, he farted

and she went right over the cliff!

The
devil was mad, I took off to my pad

I swear I do declare, how did she get
back there?

I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?

I
swear I do declare, how did she get back there?

I swear I do declare, how
did she get back there?

I swear I do declare, how did she get back
there?