Anonymous 4 After Anderson Walkman Buttholes Lyrics

Anonymous 4   After Anderson Walkman Buttholes lyrics

Now, you wanna talk about bladder problems, then the 

        man you wanna talk to will probably be my cousin 

        Earl.  I guess you all know Earl; he lives out on 

        Route 13 out on that maggot farm.  Earl don't like 

        it when you get his maggot farm confused with a worm 

        farm.  A worm farm is for worms, and a maggot farm 

        is for maggots, and Earl's got the biggest maggots 

        in the state.  Three feet long.  Of course, now Earl 

        pleads this might be due to the fact that St. 

        Smithen's Medical Facility has been dumping their 

        waste on his property.  Interesting thing about 

        three-foot maggots in that...that, well, one day 

        China disappeared, and the next day his television 

        disappeared, and a few days after that, his '57 

        Chevy disappeared.  But there they are:  the world's 

        biggest maggots.



        Anyway, one day, Earl and I were standin' in the 

        kitchen, giant maggots crawlin' across the floor, 

        and Earl turns to me, and he says, "Do you ever go 

        to make a pork sausage, and find that it's got hairs 

        all over it?" and he gives me a look that still 

        chills me to this day.

        

        Now, Earl's got a son, and they call him Earl 

        Junior, which I think is pretty clever, since he is 

        Earl's son.  He's not really a normal boy, ever 

        since that tractor accident.  Anyway, he ran up 

        $5,000 in "976-" phone bills.  He called weird, 

        unnatural numbers, like "976-PIGG" with two G's, and 

        "976-SHEEP", which has five letters in it, I know.  

        He's a sick boy.  Earl suggested that, well, maybe I 

        talk to him.  So I went into his bedroom, and I sat 

        him down, but before I could say a word, Earl Junior 

        looked at me, and he said, "Didja ever go to make a 

        pork sausage, and find it's got hairs all over it?"  

        And he gave me a look that still chills me to this 

        day.



        Now, Earl's got a daughter, and they call her Effie-

        Sue.  And Effie-Sue, she don't look so much like a 

        little girl, as she looks like a...a big pile of 

        fungus.  Earl blames this, too, on the fact that St. 

        Smithen's Medical Facility has been dumping on his 

        maggot farm.  Yeah, I never had much contact with 

        Essie...Effie-Sue.  Excuse me, I don't even think 

        that much of her to get her name right.  I never had 

        much contact with her.  She just normaally just sits 

        on the couch like a little ball of fungus and just

        ...boils away.  Well, one day, she looked at me, and 

        that little ball of fungus opened its mouth (or what 

        I guess was its mouth - I'd hate to think what else 

        it could be), and out of that orifice floated the 

        words, "Didja ever go to make a...a pork sausage and 

        find it's got hair all over it?", and then that...

        that little ball of fungus gave me a look that 

        chills me to this day.



        Now, Earl's got a wife, and we call her...Wife.  We 

        don't know her name, because she's never really said 

        that much.  For the longest time, we thought she 

        could only say two words, which were "dog" and 

        "pussy".  We thought that meant "dog" and "cat", but 

        then we found out that what she was really trying to 

        say was "dog-pussy", one big hyphenated word, which 

        doesn't come up much in conversation, especially 

        amongst Baptists.  We never heard her say anything 

        other than that.  You know, she works down at...at 

        St. Smithen's Medical Facility and Pork Sausage 

        Distillery, got a good-paying job there, although 

        she only does say those...well that one word.  And 

        we have heard her say another thing once, but that 

        was a long time ago.  We were sittin' around the 

        house, and she looked at me, and she said, "Do you 

        ever go to make a pork sausage, and find that it's 

        got hairs growin' all over it?", and she gave me a 

        look that chills me to this day.



        Now, one day, Earl took his whole family fishin' 

        down in Miller's Creek.  He took his wife, who could 

        only say "dog-pussy"; he took his son, Earl Junior, 

        who took the day off from calling "976-" barnyard 

        numbers; and he took that little...that little ball 

        of fungus daughter, Effie-Sue, of his along with 

        him.  They all got in a little boat and they started 

        fishing.  Now St. Smithen's Medical Facility and 

        Pork Sausage Distillery has been known to dump their 

        stuff into Miller's Creek.  All sorts of heinous 

        stuff, big barrels floatin' in the creek, with 

        little things on them that say "St. Smithen's 

        Medical Facility and Pork Sausage Distillery".  

        Anyway, Earl was fishing, and he caught a wall-eyed 

        bass, which had twenty-seven eyes on it.  It was a 

        twenty-seven-eyed wall-eyed bass.  Earl looked at 

        it, and decided, "Mmmm, wouldn't this be good to 

        eat!"  So he took out his knife to cut it open.  

        But that fish looked up at him, and it said, 

        "Please, mister!  Please, don't eat me!"  And Earl 

        said, "But I'm hungry!  I'm hungry!  I work on a 

        maggot farm!  My wife can only say 'dog-pussy'!  My 

        daughter is a pile of fungus!  My son spent all his 

        college money calling '976-' numbers!  I have to eat 

        you!"  And that fish said, "Please, don't eat me, 

        mister, please!"  And he said, "I have to!  I have 

        to!"  So the fish said, "Alright then, if you're 

        gonna to cut me open, let me ask you one question:  

        Didja ever go to eat a pork sausage and find that 

        it's got hairs growin' all over it?"  And then, all 

        twenty-seven eyes stared back at Earl, and they 

        stared back at his wife who could only say "dog-

        pussy", and they stared back at his weird "976-" 

        animal-calling son, and they stared back at that...

        little pile of pus that passes for Earl's daughter.  

        And they gave them a look!  All twenty-seven eyes 

        gave them a look!  A look that they would not forget 

        until this very day!



        Oh, man