Black Bear Road Lyrics

Black Bear Road lyrics

Me an' RJ an' the kids was on a camp-out in the mountains, and we had us one'a
them U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep cars which we rented from a fella by the name of
Kubozke for thirty bucks a day, buy your gas along the way, take a rabbit's
foot and leave a pint of blood for a dee-posit.  
 
And he 'splained it all to us how we was supposed to get to Telluride, which is
fifty miles away by way of the regular highway, however, there was a shortcut
but unless we had drove the Black Bear Road before, we'd better be off to stay,
stay in bed and sleep late. (Pay no attention to the gitar there.)  
 
Well, we took up off'n the highway and we come upon a sign says "Black Bear
Road. You don't have to be crazy to drive this road, but it helps." I says,
"RJ, this must the shortcut road Kubozke was talkin' about." She didn't pay no
mind, 'cause she was makin' peanut butter sandwiches for the kids in the back
seat throwin' rocks and drinkin' Kool-Aid and playin' count-the-license-plates.
But they wasn't havin' too much fun a-countin' license plate or cars, 'cause
there weren't no other cars.  
 
We went about a mile-and-a-half in about four hours, busted off the right front
fender, tore a hole in the oil pan on a rock as big as a hall closet. Went over
a bump and spilt the Kool-Aid and Roy Gene stuck his bolo knife right through
the convertible top and the dog threw up all over the back seat. Peanut butter
don't agree with him, you see.  
 
So we had to stop and take off the top and air everything out and clean it up.
The dog run off and RJ says she felt her asthma comin' on. I was sittin' there
wonderin' what to do when the en-tire scenic San Joo-wan U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep
car sank in the mud. At thirteen thousand feet above sea level.  
 
Well, we shoveled it out and ate our lunch, the dog made a yellow hole in the
snow and Roy Gene got out his Instamatic and took a snapshot of it. Mary
Elizabeth drawed a picture of the road; it looked like a whole bunch a' Zs and
Ws all strung together. And RJ took one look at it and said that the only way
that Jeep car is goin' down that road is over her dead body. Then a rock
slipped out from under the wheel and the U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep car went right
over the edge of the cliff. Yahoo-oo-oo-oo!  
 
"Doggone-it, Roy Gene! How many times do I have to 'splain it to you? When I
tell you to put a rock under the wheel, I mean rock! Now look at that, what you
have there is no bigger'n a grapefruit."