Viagra® In The Waters Lyrics

Viagra® In The Waters lyrics

Just outside of Johnson City 
On a dark and twisting road 
In a Kenworth 18-wheeler 
With a heavy, shifting load 
He was pushing through to Binghamton 
Though the hour was getting late 
Pfyzer’s finest on a mission 
To the pharmacies upstate 
He was on a holy mission 
There were men who couldn’t wait 
 
(for his twenty thousand pounds of Viagra®) 
 
He’d clocked seven hundred miles 
Since he climbed into the rig 
Just another twenty five or so 
Would finish up that gig 
But the trailer hit an oil slick 
And down the hill did fly 
‘til it landed at the bottom 
in the town’s water supply 
It was instant rigor mortis 
What a hard way to die 
Chorus: 
Save your sons 
Shield your daughters 
There’s Viagra® 
In the waters 
All over Johnson City 
 
 
People rising with the dawn 
They drank their morning coffee, 
Took their showers, watered lawns 
And who could have predicted 
All the changes up ahead? 
Men were getting up for work, 
And heading back to bed 
So many called in sick, 
You would have thought a virus spread 
Down at the courthouse coffee shop 
Some stared in disbelief 
As a pack of thirsty lawyers 
Started filling out their briefs 
But at the local college 
Young men appeared much smarter 
No chromosomal mystery 
They simply studied harder 
Now water on the rocks 
Is the latest party starter 
 
Chorus 
The Johnson City firemen 
Cursed their wretched luck 
They could not get their fire hoses 
Wound back on the truck 
Sprinkling holy water at a funeral, 
Father Ryan said 
"I know I’ve saved their souls, 
but I’ve never raised the dead. 
Would a couple strong men help me now 
To close the casket lid?" 
 
 
Old man Weisberg 
Took the shower of his life 
Then he marched into the kitchen 
And he called out to his wife 
She knew something was up 
As he stood naked at the table 
Holding two cups of coffee 
And half a dozen bagels 
It had been at least a decade 
Since the last time he was able  
 
Chorus  
 
Believers seeking miracles 
The pilgrims came in hordes 
The waters of Viagra® 
Grew more popular than Lourdes 
The clergy quoted scripture 
But they found it hard to sell 
That those who chose to be anointed 
Were pointed straight to hell 
Despite the dire warnings 
The crowds began to swell 
Some hardened politicians 
Came into towno ne day 
With their permits and their pipelines 
Pumped the waters all away 
From the heart of Johnson City 
Rose the mournful cry of men 
But the women knew another truck 
Was coming through again 
Don’t worry—there’s a truck next week 
We’ll spread the oil again  
 
Chorus  
 
(Here`s a bonus verse that never made it into the final song)  
 
Dr. Baker in geriatrics 
Had to make it into town 
Through the traffic at the drawbridge 
Where the gates would not come down 
And something told him he had found 
The fountain of youth 
When a gaggle of old geezers 
Grabbed his secretary Ruth 
Yes the old men at the nursing home 
Grew long in more than tooth