Toe To Toe With The Hmo Lyrics

Toe To Toe With The Hmo lyrics

I have this problem with my toe 
And so I call my HMO 
With a referral from 
My primary care physician 
They say my call matters to them 
They’re like an old and trusted friend 
Except friends don’t make you ask 
Them for permission 
The recording on the phone 
Says Leave a message at the tone 
Tell us your name, your age, 
Your reason for submission 
So I describe my nail ingrown, 
Wax poetic on the phone 
This is a metaphor 
For the whole human condition 
Tender 
Sensitive 
Painful 
 
And now I’m listening to Brahms 
(music to keep the caller calm), 
Starting to see things from 
The stockholder’s perspective 
 
Should I stop thinking of myself 
While they are managing my health? 
While an accountant finds a treatment 
That’s cost-effective 
 
Hallelujah, I rejoice! 
Is this a living human voice 
talking to me 
Like I’m a sweet, annoying female 
I plead my best bureaucratese 
I would be down upon my knees 
‘Cept I’d be leaning 
on this poor, throbbing toenail 
Painful 
Purple 
Festering 
 
As for my coverage, they say no 
This is a pre-existing toe 
My policy excludes 
All things pre-existing 
So if I want the claim approved 
The toe will have to be removed 
Which they believe may keep 
The problem from persisting 
This makes my doctor quite irate 
Why should he have to amputate? 
In his opinion this condition could 
Be better handled 
And as for me—I don’t nkow 
I’d kinda like to keep the toe 
I spent a fortune on these 
Gorgeous Gucci sandals 
Sexy 
Size 6 
Retail 
 
I have been waiting patiently 
Why aren’t you listening to me? 
Can`t you see that it`s 
Trying my endurance 
I’m only asking to be heard 
Hostage is such an ugly word 
I would much prefer 
Living Health Insurance 
I want the orthopedic shoe 
I want the Prozac® approved, too 
Managed care is managing 
To make me hostile 
You`ve put me off far too long 
I`ll fix your ass; I`ll write a song 
 About a nine-toed woman 
Who goes postal 
Crazy 
Uzi 
Bell tower