Getting Raptured Lyrics

Getting Raptured lyrics

Should auld acquaintance be forgot 
and never brought to mind 
should auld acquaintance be forgot 
hey everybody, it’s rapture time 
I was staring at the clouds from a 747 
when I saw that there were thousands 
getting sucked up into heaven 
and I knew that Armageddon time was nigh 
when the Captain said, 
"on your right there’s Mother Teresa floating by" 
Oh, I could here the passengers behind me start to cheer 
when he said, "looks like the whole non-smoking section’s disappeared. 
But don’t you fear, even though I’m outta here 
you’ve still got the navigator 
 
He’ll stay with the rest of you fornicators and atheists, 
insurance salesmen and bigamists, 
and certain televangelists and such 
and by the way, thanks for flying with us" 
 
Chorus: 
Well it’s one of those days 
all of my friends are getting raptured 
Taken away from their RV’s and their pick-up trucks 
by a heavenly Electrolux on super suck 
and I’m stuck here in sinners company 
Jimmy Swaggart, my mother-in-law and me 
 
Driving home from the airport 
the highways were all clear 
except for cars with NRA bumper stickers on the rear 
I pulled into a burger joint 
Gave my order to a sweet blonde who said, 
"Would you like some fries with that?" 
Zoop she was gone 
I finally made it home 
I couldn’t take it anymore 
when I saw my friend the Jehovah’s Witness 
who preaches at my door 
He was rising higher and higher saying, 
"What do you think about that? 
Na na na na na...Thupt! 
and I heard...splat! 
 
Chorus: 
Well it’s one of those days 
all of my friends are getting raptured 
Taken away from their RV’s and their pick-up trucks 
by a heavenly Electrolux on super suck 
and I’m stuck here in sinners company 
Madonna, my mother-in-law and me 
 
Now’s the time to fear the most 
Armageddon’s getting close 
When you hear the Holy Ghost 
Who you gonna call, Ghostbusters? 
 
I went to see a friend of mine, 
the one who drives a Ford 
with the little sign on the window 
"Holy rolling with the Lord" 
well, she hadn’t yet been raptured 
and it made her real upset 
she’d been counting on not paying her American Express 
She sat poised like a debutante 
waiting for a date 
and when she finally did get raptured she cried 
"Jesus you’re late" 
Me, well I was staying 
I said, "Hey what I do wrong?" 
when a voice from up above said, 
"You’re the schmuck who wrote this song" 
 
Chorus: 
Well it’s one of those days 
all of my friends are getting raptured 
Taken away from their RV’s and their pick-up trucks 
by a heavenly Electrolux on super suck 
and I’ mstuck here in sinners company 
Rush Limbaugh, my mother-in-law and me 
and you sitting there 
you missed the rapture too 
Happy new year