Breckman Andy Railroad Bill Lyrics

Railroad Bill Lyrics

Railroad Bill 

                            by Andy Brickman 

   

   

 Now Railroad Bill was a hard living man 

 He used to take his women two at a time 

 And everyone agreed he was the badest engineer 

 That ever driven down the Santa Fe line 

 His name was known from the folks back home 

 To the tippy top of telegraph hill 

 And all the little boys when they were sneaking cigarettes 

 They used to dream about the Railroad Bill 

   

 Well one day Bill was walking along 

 And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree 

 When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder 

 To set that kitty cat free 

 Bill said no, ain't gonna do it 

 Ain't gonna climb up no tree 

 This is a stupid stupid song and no folk singer 

 Gonna make a fool outa me 

   

 I said one day Bill was walking along 

 And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree 

 When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder 

 To set that kitty cat free 

 Bill said no, ain't gonna do it 

 Ain't gonna do what you said 

 This is a stupid stupid song and as far as I'm concerned 

 That cat can stay there till it's dead 

   

 I said wait a minute Bill, you can't argue with me 

 For God's sake I just made you up 

 I got the pen in my hand, I want you up in that tree 

 I want that cat unstuck 

 Bill said no, I hate cats 

 	 ain't gonna climb for no cat 

 He said why don'tyou have me save a beautiful girl 

 Who's been tied down to the railroad tracks? 

   

 I said mayb% there'll be room in the 8th or 9th verse 

 But right now I want you up in that tree 

 I'm the writer, God Damn, I got the pen in my hand 

 And you'e suposed to listen to me 

 He said you asshole!!

 Why should I listen to you, you should be listening to me instead 

 He said I'm a railroad man and if I was real 

 I'd seperate your face from your head 

   

 You ungreatful brute, I cried, you pushed me too far 

 I gotta show you I can do as I please 

 So an earthquake came and it shook the whole terrain 

 And it brought Railroad Bill to his knees 

 And then a tidal wave broke and everything got soaked 

 Bill was almost compleatly washed away 

 And then a big green monster from the planet Neptune landed 

 An bit Railroad Bill on the leg 

   

 I got the pen in my hand! 

 I can do what I want 

 I'm a bright new young talent on the rise 

 So get your ass up that tree or I swear you ain't gonna 

 Get out of my folk song alive 

   

 He said you don't scare me 

 You might be funny, but you don't scare me 

 And if you don't leave me alone I'm gonna tell everybody 

 Where you stole this melody 

 But before he could speak, his tongue fell out 

 And he could not make a sound 

 Suddenly he jumped on top of me and grabbed me by the neck 

 And pulled me to the ground 

 And he hit me in the stomach 

 And he hit me in the face real hard 

 I think he almost broke my nose 

 Just then a lightning bolt came outa nowhere 

 Hit him right between the eyes and killed him instantly 

   

 The cat came down from the tree, had a bowl of warm milk 

 Went to sleep for the night 

 Railraod Bill is survived by a wife and three kids 

 Dear God, I love to write