Bob Rivers 12 Pains Of Christmas Lyrics

12 Pains Of Christmas Lyrics

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas
tree

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Angry
husband:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The
third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Man getting over being
drunk:
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas
tree

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Exhausted
man:
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And
finding a Christmas tree

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain
to me
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas
cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas
tree

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Nervous
wife:
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Oh, I hate those
Christmas cards!
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights!
And finding a
Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to
me:
Nervous wife's husband:
The Salvation Army
Facing my
in-laws
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez!
I'm
tryin' to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree

The eighth
thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
Whining kid:
I WANNA
TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!
Charities,
And whataya mean "YOUR
in-laws"?!?
Five months of bills!
Oh, making out these
cards
Honey, get me a beer, huh?
What, we have no extension
cords?!?
And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas
that's such a pain to me
A tired father:
Finding parking spaces
DADDY,
I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!
Donations!
Facing my in-laws
Five months of
bills!
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers!
Now why the hell
are they blinking?!?!?
And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing
at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
A mother:
"Batteries Not
Included"
No parking spaces
BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!
Get a job, ya
bum!
Oh, facing my in-laws!
Five months of bills!
Yo-ho, sending
Christmas cards
Oh, geez, look at this!
One light goes out, they ALL go
out!!!
And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing of Christmas
that's such a pain to me:
A male couch potato:
Stale TV
specials
"Batteries Not Included"
No parking spaces
DAD, I
GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!!
Charities!
She's a witch...I hate her!
Five
months of bills!
Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!
Oh, who's got
the toilet paper, huh?
Get a flashlight...I blew a fuse!!
And finding a
Christmas tree

The twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to
me:
Two men:
Singing Christmas carols
Stale TV
specials
"Batteries Not Included"
No
parking?!?
WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!
Charities!
Gotta make 'em
dinner!
Five months of bills!
I'm not sendin' them this year, that's
it!
Shut up, you!
FINE! YOU'RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!
And
finding a Christmas tree