Ben Folds Five Bizzare Christmas Incident Lyrics

Bizzare Christmas Incident Lyrics

(OK Grandpa, let's tell them a little story about what happened this
Christmas)

Christmas eve

I didn't get much sleep

I kept
hearing things

Heavy breathing from the chimney

Who could it be?



In the morn

I couldn't believe my eyes

A whale of a
corse

With a long white beard was dangling over the fire



(Chorus)

Santa he's a big fat f*uck

Crawled down the chimney got
his fat ass stuck

Honey call the lawyers fast

Cause Mrs. Claus is
gonna sue my ass



(OK Grandpa, step up, sing in this thing right
here, tell em what you saw)

Gotta tell you folks

He wasn't wearing
no clothes

He musta rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco oil from his head
down to his toes

I was talking to the cops outside

The dogs were
lickin' Crisco off of his thighs

They hauled him away in a double wide

What a sad sad way to die



(Chorus)