The White Stuff Lyrics

The White Stuff

Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile
girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em
half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his
breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big
fat drunk disgrunted Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle
in his eye,
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna
die!"
The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went
insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have
snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb
it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his
helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into
reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And
he slashed up Dasher just like Freddie Krueger
And he picked up a
flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said,
"It tastes just like chicken!"
The night Santa went crazy
The
night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can hardly walk around the North
Pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts
There's the National Guard and the
F.B.I.
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
and helicopters circlin'
'round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'
and
everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be
such a jolly guy
Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time
In a federal
prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more
tears
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years
But now, Vixen's
in therapy and Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for
the postal service
And they say Mrs. Claus, she's on the phone every
night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
[The "Amish
Paradise" CD single contains "The Night Santa Went Crazy
(extra
gory version)" which substitutes the following verse for the
above
verse.]
Yes Virginia, now Santa Claus is dead
Some guy from the S.W.A.T.
Team blew a hole through his head
Yes, little friend, now, that's his brains
on the floor
I guess they won't have the fat guy to kick around
anymore
But now there's no more presents for the children's enjoyment
And
the elves gotta stand in line and file for unemployment
And they say Mrs.
Claus, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie
rights
They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazy
The night St.
Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me
like he was tired of gettin' gypped
Wo, the night Santa went crazy
The
night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw
deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Wo, something
finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have
snapped... in his brain.
sallysally@usa.net