I Lost On Jeopardy Lyrics

I Lost On Jeopardy

(James/Miller/Hammer/Al Yankovic)
I can't watch this. I can't watch this
I
can't watch this. I can't watch this
My my my my TV makes me so
bored
Makes me say oh my Lord
What is this garbage here?
Wanna cover
my eyes and plug my ears
It sucks, and that's no lie
It's about as much
fun as watching paint dry
Lowers my IQ one notch
And that's the reason
why, uh, I can't watch
I told you homeboy...I can't watch this
Yeah,
nothin' but trash and you know
I can't watch this
Poke out my eyes,
man...I can't watch this
Yo, gimme that remote control...I can't watch
this
Talkin' bout sick shows
There's America's Funniest Home Videos
I
can't believe my eyes
When I see the kind of stuff that wins first
prize
Somebody's poor old mom
Falls down off the roof, lands right on 
the lawn
Face first on a rake
I hear they got it on the seventeenth
take
That's funny as a kick in the crotch
And that kinda show, uh, I
can't watch
Yo, I told you...I can't watch this
Change the channel now,
man...I can't watch this
Yo, pass the TV Guide over here, sucker...I can't
watch this
Cosby show and Roseanne
Think I've taken 'bout as much as I
can
Judge Wopner, oh my
You gotta be Rainman to like this
guy
Thirtysomething's all right
If you like hearing yuppies whining all
night
Can't stand Twin Peaks
Wish they'd lynch those donut-eatin'
freaks
Those Siskel and Ebert bums
Oughtta go home and just sit on their
thumbs
That's word because you now...I can't watch this
I can't watch
this
Break it down!
Here's how to order-money back guarantee-
Removes
tough stains fast-it tastes more like fresh peanuts-
They keep going and
going-don't hate me because I'm beautiful-
Could be dandruff-our prices are
insaaaane!!!
Stop! Prime time!
I'm pretty sure I'll be sick
If I have
to watch another stupid pet trick
Or that guy with the real flat
hair
That goes "woof woof woof" and waves
His fist in the
air
Or those weird talk shows
About transsexual Nazi Eskimos
They're
rude, and crude and vile
Just for a minute let's flip down the dial
Flip,
flip, flip...yecch, I can't watch this
Look, man, I can't watch this
I
can't take this torture no more, I can't
I can't watch this
Pay the
bills, station break
Break it down!
Operators are standing by-cubic
zirconium necklace-
You're soaking in it-and our fabulous swimsuit
issue-
When you've got a headache this big-read the book-
this is your
brain on drugs-I've fallen and I can't get up!!!
Stop! Cable time!
HBO
and Playboy, Showtime and MTV
I might like them more after my
lobotomy
Now why did I ever pay for this junk?
I hooked up eighty
channels, and each one stunk
Just brainless blood and guts, and mindless T
& A
It's awful, it's putrid, it's crummy, it's stupid, gonna
Throw my
set away
I can't watch this, I can't watch this
I can't watch this,
yeah...I can't watch this
I told you...can't watch this
Too hip, can't
watch this
Get me outta here...can't watch
this
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