Finale Lyrics

Finale

I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
with a rabid wolverine in my
underwear
when suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
popped right up
and cupped his hands across my eyes
I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or
Cousin Louie?
Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?
Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed
or Bernie or Steve?"
I probably would have kept on guessing
but
about that time we crashed into the truck
And as I'm laying bleeding there
on the asphalt
finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
who
takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me
CHORUS
Everything you know is
wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you
thought was just so
important doesn't matter
Everything you know is
wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand
is
Everything you know is wrong
I was walkin' to the kitchen for some
Golden Grahams
when I accidentally stepped into an alternate
dimension
and soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
who kinda
looked like Jamie Farr
They sucked out my internal organs
and they took
some Polaroids and said I was a darn good sport
and as a way of saying thank
you,
they offered to transport me back to any point in history that I would
care
to go,
And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
so I
could pay my phone bill on time
Just then the floating disembodied head of
Colonel Sanders started yellin'
CHORUS
I was just about to mail a letter
to my evil twin
when I got a nasty paper cut
and, well, to make a long
story short,
it got infected and I died
so now I'm up in heaven with St.
Peter by the pearly gates
and it's obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket
that I'm wearing
He tells me that they've got a dress code
Well, he lets
me into heaven anyway,
but I get the room next to the noisy ice
machine
for all eternity
and every day he runs by screaming
Everything
you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And
everything you used to think was so important
doesn't really matter anymore,
because the simple fact remains that
Everything you know is wrong
Just
forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything
you know is wrong
(Everything you know is)
Everything you know is wrong