Shaving Cream Lyrics

Shaving Cream

I have a sad story to tell you.
It may hurt your feelings a bit.
Last
night when I walked into my bathroom,
I stepped in a big pile of
...

Shaving cream, be nice and clean.
Shave everyday and you'll
always look keen.
[This chorus is repeated after every verse.]

I
think I'll break off with my girlfriend.
Her antics are queer I'll
admit.
Each time I say, "Darling, I love you,"
She tells me that I'm full
of ...

Our baby fell out of the window.
You'd think that her head
would be split.
But good luck was with her that morning;
She fell in a
barrel of ...

An old lady died in a bathtub;
She died from a terrible
fit.
In order to fulfill her wishes,
She was buried in six feet of
...

When I was in France with the army,
One day I looked into my
kit.
I thought I would find me a sandwich,
But the darn thing was loaded
with ...

And now, folks, my story is ended.
I think it is time I
should quit.
If any of you feel offended,
Stick your head in a barrel of
...

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Version
2 (Use same chorus):

A demented song I will sing you,
A classic of
poetry and wit.
Last night while I was in my bathroom,
I stepped in a
pile of

I asked to come out and play baseball
I'd just bought a new
catchers' mitt;
I asked you to throw me a fastball
but you threw me a big
lump of

Here we are in this fine health food restaurant.
I hate to be
picking a nit.
But waiter, I ordered your yogurt surprise,
And you
brought me a plate full of

Last night we all had a big snowstorm,
And
it's time to shovel, isn't it?
Now the only good thing I can say about
shoveling snow,
Is, it's better than shoveling

They built a big wall
in East Berlin.
The biggest one that would fit.
But I found out what that
Berlin wall was made of.
Well the whole thing was nothing but

I put
all my money in savings,
So I'd never have to worry, not a bit.
But you
see, it was Lincoln Savings,
Now my money is all shot to

I once went
out to the ballpark
To try out my new catchers mit,
I asked them to throw
me a fast ball,
But instead they threw me some..

Once while I was at
the ball game,
The batter smashed out a hit.
But while he was running for
second,
He slipped in a big pile of..

Here we are in this fancy French
restruant,
And I hate to be picking a bit,
But I ordered creamed
fishie-soi
And the waiter brought me a bowl of..

Our producer looks
good in the morning,
I'll tell you what makes him so fit,
Instead of
using cold cream,
He rubs in a big handful of..

Last Saturday I went
out jogging,
I like to keep physically fit,
But when I looked down at my
Reeboks,
Well, the soles were all covered with {Dr. D:Where Rover goes,
nothing
grows!}

Let's have a cheer for our Raiders!
They're truly
a team with true grit,
But when they fumbled that kickoff in the second half
this afternoon,
Ten million fans, in unison, said, "Oh,... {Dr. D: "And one
for the
Rams!"}

Now the Rams, they are going to Chicago,
But the
Bears are the oddsmakers' favorite,
Now, Chicago is beautiful in
October,
But in January it's colder than ...

Here we are in this
Mexican restaurant,
I hate to be picking a nit,
But waiter, I ordered "El
Burrito Supremo,"
And you brought me a plate full of ...

I am fed up
with all politicians!
On Republicans and Democrats I spit!
They promise
you peace and prosperity and a good job,
And what do they give you?
...

Our Christmas tree, it was so gorgeous,
So brightly and
brilliantly lit,
And underneath were all of my presents!
Yeah, boxes and
boxes of ... {Dr. D: "Just kidding, folks!"}

I was laughing so hard at
this music,
I thought that my sides they would split,
I stopped laughing
just now, however
'Cause my pants just filled up with ...

My program
was nearly completed,
In 640K it did fit,
But then I wrote "just one more
feature,"
And my program was blown all to ...

I went swimming in
beautiful Lake Ontario
I thought I would cool off a bit
But when I
stepped out of the water
Yech - my body was covered in ...

I bought a
computer by mail...
It arrived at my door in a kit.
But although I
followed instructions,
I ended up with a box full of ...

I was
reading the BITNET one day...
Full of rumors, flames and quips
Instead of
being educated
All I got was a queue full of ...

I went out last night
to the opera,
I thought I'd relax for a bit.
But when I sat down in my box
seat
I found it was covered with...

I thought I would make me some
tie-dyes
And bought many boxes of Rit.
But after I dyed all my
T-shirts
They all were the color of...

My in-laws came over to
visit,
But left in a terrible snit
Because I suggested for dinner
That
they should have plates full of...

And now, folkes, my song, it is
ended,
I do hope that you will admit,
That if any of you feel
offended
You can stick your head in a bucket of